I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
