Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
