I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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