he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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