Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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