I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Bring me that man meat
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
