New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
