FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
