I think I am morally bankrupt
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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