Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize