dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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