First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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