The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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