if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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