I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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