nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize