you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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