I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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