So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
