New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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