Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
