remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
