If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
