tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
