I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize