just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
