I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
