i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
if only i could text you this smell
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
