Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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