would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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