"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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