wanna go halves on a baby?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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