we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
