I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Say something about gay babies.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize