Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
