Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
