You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
