oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
