He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
