there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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