Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
