Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
