Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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