The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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