She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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