I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
