I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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