also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
