So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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