Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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