dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
