He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
