Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
