like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
