Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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