why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
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