yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
