Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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