someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
