One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize