somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
