The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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