I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
