Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
