Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
