It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize