I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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