theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
