i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I cut my penus on the lid.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
