He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
