but the lizard people decide everything anyway
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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