omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
